When all is said and done, what does holding onto a past transgression do for you? Does it make you feel any better, or only worse? Does it resolve the issue, or only make the problem bigger than it really is?
You see, the small things—the ridiculous things—that couples typically fight about mean nothing in the long run. I spent most of my adult life struggling with men over dumb things that really didn’t mean anything except for the fact that I wasn’t perfect and that was the real problem they had with me.
Jared’s not perfect, and neither am I (believe it or not!). And yes, he does things that sometimes annoy the heck out of me, but in the larger scheme of things, my love for him overshadows all those silly things. I’d rather let it go then hang onto it and be mad at such a wonderful person for something so insignificant.
I want to live together with Jared, whole and healed. Those issues are my issues, not Jared’s, and I’m not going to make them his issues, either. And whenever I get mad at him for something so small and meaningless, I’m committing a greater sin against myself and God. So the second I feel anger struggling to surface, I remind myself that I can simply close the shower curtain myself and immediately that anger subsides. And what did it hurt me by closing it? It didn’t. It took me two seconds, tops, to shut it and that was that. I’m on my way with my day.
ACTION PLAN: Live together whole and healed by releasing your sins. Let it go. Forget about it. Just move on. If it’s your issue, YOU deal with it, but don’t shove it on your spouse. And after you’ve dealt with it, don’t tell your partner that you dealt with it. Just do it and get over it. Don’t linger over coffee with it. Don’t entertain it. Don’t befriend it.
GO FURTHER: Confess to your partner about those piddly things that drive you nutty. But be wise with the words you choose. Don’t be accusatory and snotty. Be playful and cute about it. Present it in a funny way. Allow yourself to laugh at yourself, and allow your partner to laugh with you.
FACT: Nothing, besides God, is more important than your spouse.